I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
