I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
