I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
