You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
