Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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