The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Randomize
