Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
