i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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