i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
