So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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