operation harelip BJ is a go
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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