Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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