nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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