why didn't you poke me back
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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