you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
