brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
