The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize