Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
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