I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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