I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
