Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
