you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I feel like death gave me a hand job
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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