You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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