she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
