thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
