Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
