ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
