his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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