i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
