I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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