Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
