five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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