I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
