i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
