Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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