I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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