my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
