3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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