I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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