He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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