I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
