Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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