I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
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