That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
