I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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