if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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