If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
