My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize