I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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