He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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