he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
