Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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