Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
