Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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