its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize