Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
