it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
