It's like God shit irony all over that family
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
