Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
