Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
