She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
