I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
