I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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