The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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