I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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