my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
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