I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
