You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
