she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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