i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
