I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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