YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
