her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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