Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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