i just had sex bonerless
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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