you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
