I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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