She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
